rock steady

just put down the phone with davin. it seems tat he wants to "kapo" ard my website and this blog.. actually he just wants to see the part where i wrote that i got over cynthia. so i'll say it again.. i got over cyn. or rather am getting over. hey, it's hard to just snap and forget someone who u develop feelings for a long duration of time.. but i'm going to do it. i know i can. davin still asks me to chase cyn. and i, on the other hand, is asking him to go after her again. but i think we'll come to a pt. where we just agree not to talk abt her again. i really can't see the point, davin, if u r reading this.. to go after someone who already has gave her heart to someone else beside God. it's like fighting a pointless war. u'll never win. so i hope u would stop asking me to chase her. if she was, is and will share her life with me by email and stuff.. there was still a fighting chance. but that inbox is yours, davin. not mine. and i dont' see that her letters will belong to anyone else's inbox except yours. and bro, if u reading. keep waiting for what i feel is yours. and dont try anything stupid pls.. nothing's gonna take away our friendship, even if it is the ever so adorable cyn. and i mean it. from the bottom of my heart. i still haven't made my card. sigh.. i think i just don't want to really do it. cos i think that i'm just forcing myself to do it. i don't really want to give the card. it's all for the sake of "friendship". i feel fake now. so fake. i'm such a hypocrite. i'm never going to force myself into a person's life when he or she doesn't wnt me there. and i can do with them. that's me. i lost my heart and my strength in a lot of things that i used to do and derived joy from. and here i am, trying to find myself again. christianity is DEFINITELY not a bed of roses. u got to have fortitude to go thru everything. beta finish the darn card before i go to sleep