rock steady

it's 3 am in the morning.. and i can't sleep. just polish off the great 10 episodes of band of brothers series. i tink i learn a little bit or rather caught something from the series. when the platoon went to war, the platoon leader can't afford to be blur, to freeze or don't have the slightest of ideas on wat to do. and that's so true for leaders in any field. not just on the field in combat. right now i'm just catching summerslam. i still can't sleep. i haven't talk to her for the past 2 days. yesterday i spent the whole morning.. like from midnight to 6 am catching band of bros and finishing off the bk. today.. i just mentioned it. as the days draw closer for me to get back to camp, i can't help but wish that they'll extend my mc so that i dont have to go back. i've got a new wing commander. and let's just say that he's isn't no.1 on my welcome list. i wish that i'll get posted out so that i don't have to see him. i don't have to see OCS anymore. i can't stand OCS. it's a place where dreams were shattered, ambitions crushed, hearts broken. the exact opposite of wat it was supposed to be. OCS HQ was shaped in the shape of a cradle. for this place was supposed to be the place where it will birth forth officers, leaders of the land. guess that it does have its share of miscarriages. i just don't want to be stuck in there anymore. i guess it's just starting to get to me again... i feel lonely again. all by myself. that feeling i carried with me for 6 mths. that wasn't a very gd feeling that i had. i hated that feeling. that loneliness. wish it doesn't come again. it's not something that kills u straight. but it's something that is like a disease. a poison. that slowly creeps up on u and cuts yur throat. and leaves u to bleed to your death. how i hate tat. the last thing is to wonder y no one calls me. i guess when i was on mc.. no one calls me too. so actually there's no difference. just tat maybe in camp.. i need it? i dunno.