rock steady

argh... i'm losing it. everything and anything. gosh.. wat's going on? i don't know but that doesn't mean i don't care. i read something from band of brothers by stephen e. ambrose. it talked abt being shot and going into shock. ok.. obviously being shot anywhere is bad. and it will lead to shock. but from there we could take 2 directions. one being just stay there in shock and just writher in pain and call for help for all u r worth. the second one was to be in shock but still gather enuff of yurself to crawl/pull/any actions yurself out of the danger area and to somewhere safe. i guess i need to pick upself up again. i can fall, i can trip, but i pray i have the strength to dust myself off and walk upright again. i was kinda feeling pretty droopy today but then i went out with some cg members. i don't know lah but the events that happened during the few hours that i spent with them convinced me that i got to pick myself up. just don't want to be fussed over like some big kid. i may look like one, behave like one, but i'm not. i'm really losing my temper. i tore into a few ppl this past week. man.. ain't my fuse starting to blow again. beta apologise. but today really feel like giving someone a few tight slaps. can u imagine? me giving it to someone. i can't take it when ppl give them attention and they just push it away and put on a front that demands it. it's like wat do u really want? i wish i had a vending machine so i can press the right button and give them wat they really really want. grow up. behave like a man/woman. it's cute at times when a girl throws a temper tanturm.. but a guy. it's kinda obnoxious to everyone except himself. i'm guilty of that at times. sometimes i wonder did i pray for patience cos in the past 3 wks.. i've met 3 person who's really testing my patience.. pushing the envelope.. i hope i don't explode. if i do.. they better run.