rock steady

for the first time in my life, in the last 2 wks since i've returned from taiwan, i've been complimented by my cg leader (make that ex-cg leader). it's really something, i'm not really floating on cloud nine now, but it's something nice that i've finally heard from a leader for some time now.. ( 2 - 3 yrs). i guess i've really changed, i've noticed, not in the better aspect, but in the horrid aspect. i've noticed i'm carrying such an apathetic and horrible attitude towards ushering that i deserverdly got scolded on thurs. i guess what i said will be passed off as common in the army but over in church, it was like BIG TIME ATTITUDE from the leaders' pt of view. i guess obedience to them is yes, will do, will change, no 2 shakes abt it and change the thing and don't whine abt it. i guess if that's the way it is, i'm fine. i've just got to change the way i think right now. cos the wenbin they know then and the one they know now are just so different. i guess i've changed in more ways than one. gd and bad.. guess it's time to eradicate the bad.. ha.. tough times coming up.. no cursing and swearing. i swear by the most miminal in the army. not gd enff. serious. thinking of signing on. always been a dream to be in the army and be an officer. have until like june to really sort everything out on my future. i want to have a clean life, not saying i'll be sinless, but without secret sins and deeds that will put me to shame.. it's a heavy burden.. (wonders who is reading this) that's just so many things that i don't want it to be associated with me.. love life.. complete zlich. who do i like? who do i love? what is love? love is the benefit of others at the expense of self... i'm doing that for ppl.. but romantic love? wat's that? i used to think i love cyn but right now.. i dunno.. am i still patiently or have i walked on? that's like no one to replace her.... wish there was someone.. well... gtg.. rock on ppl..