rock steady

back to updatin this again. added a few toys on my LCD monitor that i bought from the trip to taiwan. man.. i miss taiwan so much, the ppl there, the food and esp the amusement park. now i dont have any height phobia anymore. guess i do have some balls after all.. niwei, still have to think of where to put the remainder of my toys. most prob will get a shelf from ikea and put them. which means i gotta re-arrange some stuff now.. man, i'm such a slob. if u see my bunk in camp, u'll agree. guess i tend to take things a bit too easy at times. which isn't bad but can be quite nasty at times.. esp when it affects me. well, still thinking about my future, should i or should i not sign on? after talking to brother jason, it's been more food for thought. really more food for thought. everytime ppl ask me wat am i going to do after ns, i guess the only thing i will tell them is that i'm going to study, the typical ten yr series ans, but wat i really really want to do is to re-course and be an officer all over again. even if that means sigining on, but there's where all the problem is now. it means sacrificing a lot of things in my life to get there. for instance, the freedom that i enjoy so much now. it's going to be taken away from me. i'm going to sacrifice ever doing anything big for God. right now i just feel at where i am, it's not where i am, i'm meant for bigger things. it's that kind of feelings that i had as a kid, when i was in a neighbourhood school, and i knew i was destined for bigger things. of course when i got there, i stank and i sunk. and eventually i ended up at somewhere which was a cross of the first two destinations. does that mean that my life will always be like this? i hope not, cos it's just going to make things go in a cycle that never stops and is so detrimental. was just thinking on the bus of the things that i'm gonna lose if i ever made the decision to be a regular. how am i even or ever going to conduct a relationship with the amount of free time that i have? i'm never ever going to meet ppl with that amount of time. that's just so many things to consider now... out of all this pondering, it has caused me to be single-minded, to really focus on my future. to be good, i have to be disciplined all over again. and it means giving up stuff. i've never ever blamed going to church but all the trying to make it for cg and for service usually means that i'm so exhausted when i get back to camp. i never had a good solid rest after a hard ardurous week. will i ever give up on God and the church? no.. even if it costs me my dream and i had given up, in the most unfortunate of circumstances.on a lighter note, surprisingly, i'm lookin forward to kynneth's bday party. actually it's more like lookin forward to meeting someone.. ha. i guess i'm going to take up my ex cgl's suggestion.. haha.. it's not a bad choice, looking at it. never know how it's going to end up, it might just work out. i'm just crossing my fingers on this one.