rock steady

after a talk with bro jason, i realise why i couldn't get across to kynneth. the ans was simple, straightforward. but something that i couldn't figure out until now. i wasn't speaking his love language. as much as i "whack" him, he was looking for approval and encouragement from me, and other ppl as well, just as i will react similarily. and this, being a first-hand experience, i come to realise what i've failed to do, which may open up doors into his heart, and his life. and this has really set me thinking a bit. i've just being told my character pales to paige's. and it kinda hurts. no, it hurts. of course it hurts, how can it not hurt? my ego's bruised. i just can't fint it in me, at this moment, to just drop everything at one shot especially when it comes to emotions, and relationships. call me sentimental, romantic or what. but i still believe in everything there's a time to laugh, there's a time to cry. i'm not emotionally closed up, or scarred beyond recognition, nor am i a robot that's devoid of feelings. i need my own time and space to grieve before i move on. maybe to people, a day's too slow for them. well, i don't know and i don't really care. if a day's considered too slow for me to get over my grief. i don't know what's there to say abt it. i can't find it in me to just drop one thing and pick up another in the snap of a finger, especially when it means a lot to me. i can't. maybe i'm sounding like some defeatist right now. i'll work on it but i'll always have my tender side. the side that's always raw. to be to drop everything at once is too mechanical, too robotic, cold, devoid of feelings. i feel a lot. esp abt certain stuff. i'll work on being decisive, being stronger in my character in my area of relationships and emotions. but i'll always be emotional. it's a part of me. it's my strength as well as my weakness. it's my double-edged sword.