rock steady

Who do i want to be? That's a jolly great blinking question, cos I've absolutely no idea in this whole wide world. Met Davina when she came back. Beside looking better, can just feel that she's growing into the woman that she's gonna be for the rest of her lives. Either i'm right or i'm just plain loony. Am i growing into the person that i want to be for the rest of my life? are my morals right? am i prepare to do what's right though it's gonna hurt me more? right now the answer seems to be no. army has taught me to cover, conceal and camouflage in more ways than one, especially out in this concrete of jungle of snakes and backstabbers. pls rewind and brainwash my mind with the Word.. i'm now 24 yrs old and it's high time that i grow into the man that i want to be, a man that i can look in the mirror and feel alright, and a man that our Lord God approves of, whose steps He directs. what have i done in the last 24 yrs? nothing significant. may the next 24 be one of significance, one that brings Him glory. i'm going to take a team. taking a team in usher agan. it's been 3 years and counting since i took a team. and the last one ended with my reputation in shreds, shown as a person who can't keep his promises, a liar and one who makes dummy records. 3 yrs ago, i so badly wanted to take a team. right now? i almost fell off my chair when i heard i was going to take a team. (i was actually standing, but i'm borrowing a phrase). me? the liar? how is that possible? don't they know that the team's going to suffer? it may even collapse? are they out of their minds? all the thoughts that came across my head rather than yes! i'm taking a team again! ever since the last incident, everytime i walked past certain individuals, i never had the slightest inclination to look them in the eye again. and with what i've been fooling around with the last 2 yrs to this day, i dare say it'll be some time before i can look anyone in the eye again. and it never ceases to go past me that my God is a wonderful, merciful God. i seriously need to repent in a lot of areas. there's still time. now is the time. leadership is a "wonderful" thing. it kicks ur posterior out of the comfort zone and it doesn't even bother to stop to take a breather. it also makes you a poster boy/girl for all those that you have been make responsible. now life is magnified with a magnifying glass and it's really high time to lead by example. career?? hmmm.. my lifelong wish is to play in a band playing the bass and touring countries, just like Delirious?. how cool is that? and to bring the gospel message along with it? simply wonderful. it's gonna be a tough time now, but i want to plunge in, enjoy every minute of it, making it count. I'll rather go with a blast than die with a whimper. Something's stirring. I just can't put my finger on it.