rock steady

I feel so.. excited.
Overwhelmed, joyful yet with a sense of apprehension of the things that are about to come.
Feel so fearful at the same time.
Fearful about history repeating itself, broken hearts and damaged lives.

I'm not there yet.
Though there seems to be a chance given to me.
I repaid a wonderful gesture with a tone that smacks of fierceness and aggressiveness.
I'm really such a fool, am I?

There's another person.
He attracts in ways that I know I can't. And I attract in ways that He can't.
Who will win?
But is it about winning? No. Happiness is not about winning.

Why do I feel so much?
I don't want to feel so much and think with my heart.
I want my mind to take over, if for one time, just this time.
I'm hoping for the best, but I've yet to prepare for the worst.

If you ever, by somehow or some means, ever see this. Cos not a lot of people know abt this.
I just want to tell you that I want you to be happy.
The last five years have taught me one thing:
I'll rather cry than let you cry.