Monday, February 18, 2008
A day to forget.
What a day to forget. I could interview for a job as a naysayer.
So what I thought the hapless bunch (i'm sorry for not being too soothing with the words right now) will do and not do did really happen.
The person I looked up to forgot my birthday. In Feb, there's a lot of birthdays, so it really takes effort to really remember a person's birthday. Fair enough, I can live with that. I just can't, for all the green earth in the planet, wonder why am I still wanting to appreciate this person even though I feel he doesn't really appreciate me.
For a lot of folks out there, birthdays come and go. That's the way their families are run regarding birthdays. My folks, though not so highly educated as some of my peers' parents and not as wealthy, make it a point to remember my birthday and celebrate the day their son was born into planet Earth. That really shaped my perspective that birthdays are special and unique occassions that should be joyous and worthy of celebration.
I'm just disappointed I guess, at the lack of effort present. A suggestion to get a cake, until the cake is bought and arrives at the table, is and will remain a suggestion. I could suggest a hundred and one things, dream it all up in my head and not lift a single finger. A gift doesn't have to be branded, nor expensive. I look beyond all that, at the amount of effort put in to source for a gift, to get a card, to make a card. To me, if you've put in your 100% into it, it doesn't matter how bad it may look, I know your heart is with the gift. That's the way I do presents. I've always gave it my best to never shirk away from the line. On the occassions I do, seeing that person's expressions and the knowledge that I've not given my best, they pull me back to that line, on which I told myself that I will stand even when no one wants to stand beside me.
From today's display which I have only unprintable words to describe, complacenecy has indeed crept in and taken root. So wat if I've a lamp that says Best CG Member 2007. It's 2008 now, my friend. I've absolutely no solid relationships with anyone that anyone would even bothered to really light up this birthday cos I'm their friend. I will have said more than the one word reply but it will be like reciting a fine poem to a bunch of punk rockers, such is the disparity of the situation.
To the ones on the outer fringes of the cell group, I've become their friend. To the ones that are in the inner workings, I'm merely a fellow worker who's dispensable. Inside looking out, outside glancing away. At my current state, I'm considering not going for the dinner tomorrow, for I believe I will weep, not out of joy, but out of the sheer irony and the pain beneath it all. And if I should weep, what kind of a picture do I paint to JT? I'll be painting a picture that, after visiting us for so long, one that he will willingly embrace as true. And that'll drive him away from his salvation. I've told Cammy that I may not be going, and it has been upsetting to them that their friend will want to spend his birthday alone. What did I do to deserve their friendship? I've sown less into their lives and I've reaped more than I thought.
Perhaps it's just hard for people to treat a birthday boy or gal nicer on his or her birthday.
Now I do know how much I mean to the people around me.
I don't give a dime how much you know about me, till I know how much you care about me.
But I'll still be one of the good guys, cos there're too many of the bad ones around.
So what I thought the hapless bunch (i'm sorry for not being too soothing with the words right now) will do and not do did really happen.
The person I looked up to forgot my birthday. In Feb, there's a lot of birthdays, so it really takes effort to really remember a person's birthday. Fair enough, I can live with that. I just can't, for all the green earth in the planet, wonder why am I still wanting to appreciate this person even though I feel he doesn't really appreciate me.
For a lot of folks out there, birthdays come and go. That's the way their families are run regarding birthdays. My folks, though not so highly educated as some of my peers' parents and not as wealthy, make it a point to remember my birthday and celebrate the day their son was born into planet Earth. That really shaped my perspective that birthdays are special and unique occassions that should be joyous and worthy of celebration.
I'm just disappointed I guess, at the lack of effort present. A suggestion to get a cake, until the cake is bought and arrives at the table, is and will remain a suggestion. I could suggest a hundred and one things, dream it all up in my head and not lift a single finger. A gift doesn't have to be branded, nor expensive. I look beyond all that, at the amount of effort put in to source for a gift, to get a card, to make a card. To me, if you've put in your 100% into it, it doesn't matter how bad it may look, I know your heart is with the gift. That's the way I do presents. I've always gave it my best to never shirk away from the line. On the occassions I do, seeing that person's expressions and the knowledge that I've not given my best, they pull me back to that line, on which I told myself that I will stand even when no one wants to stand beside me.
From today's display which I have only unprintable words to describe, complacenecy has indeed crept in and taken root. So wat if I've a lamp that says Best CG Member 2007. It's 2008 now, my friend. I've absolutely no solid relationships with anyone that anyone would even bothered to really light up this birthday cos I'm their friend. I will have said more than the one word reply but it will be like reciting a fine poem to a bunch of punk rockers, such is the disparity of the situation.
To the ones on the outer fringes of the cell group, I've become their friend. To the ones that are in the inner workings, I'm merely a fellow worker who's dispensable. Inside looking out, outside glancing away. At my current state, I'm considering not going for the dinner tomorrow, for I believe I will weep, not out of joy, but out of the sheer irony and the pain beneath it all. And if I should weep, what kind of a picture do I paint to JT? I'll be painting a picture that, after visiting us for so long, one that he will willingly embrace as true. And that'll drive him away from his salvation. I've told Cammy that I may not be going, and it has been upsetting to them that their friend will want to spend his birthday alone. What did I do to deserve their friendship? I've sown less into their lives and I've reaped more than I thought.
Perhaps it's just hard for people to treat a birthday boy or gal nicer on his or her birthday.
Now I do know how much I mean to the people around me.
I don't give a dime how much you know about me, till I know how much you care about me.
But I'll still be one of the good guys, cos there're too many of the bad ones around.
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