Tuesday, April 15, 2008
A Dear Jane Doe Letter
Nobody actually knows, but I'm an avid fan of blogs. There's certain bloggers whose blogs are very popular within the blogsphere, like mrbrown.com (go AC!), mr miyagi (another AC guy! we can write!) and certain other blogs that belong to closer friends and some whom I happen to come across by chance on their blogs.
Now, there's this Australian chap whose blog I've been following. And this is his latest post at the time of writing: http://mooiness.com/2008/04/15/brutally-short-answers-to-mens-relationship-problems/ I'm pretty taken up with one of the points inside which goes something like this:
Now, there's this Australian chap whose blog I've been following. And this is his latest post at the time of writing: http://mooiness.com/2008/04/15/brutally-short-answers-to-mens-relationship-problems/ I'm pretty taken up with one of the points inside which goes something like this:
Girls like to be wooed, she’ll turn around.
Hah! How long has it been? A month?! If she liked you, she’d let you have her by now!
Hah! How long has it been? A month?! If she liked you, she’d let you have her by now!
Well, for all those that are in the know, it's been about 1 year 1 mth and 11 days since I was interested in a particular girl. And if i assumed the answer in the statement above to be correct, she definitely doesn't like me at all.
For all the sweet and small things that I've done, yes, she appreciates it. But it's just that, appreciation. Appreciation in the most civil of degrees. I can look at it from across the table and count my blessings that she appreciates it. Yet, I live in the earth that rotates every day. And frankly, I'm not really getting younger at all. It's not about having her as in the statement above, it's about her intention. Till now, I have absolutely no idea whether she has any liking for me at all.
I guess one day I might have to send out this letter:
Dear Jane,
I guess you've received all my cards by now. If you have subtly felt that there was a message in all these cards and rearranged them, you will probably have read it and know how I feel towards you.
It's been a year odd since we knew each other. I just came back to church after a traumatic three months and you did follow-up on me. I was pretty taken with your voice but that was about it. Who ever trips over himself just because of a voice? One has to be a fool to do that. And as thick as I may be, I'm certainly not that much of a fool.
Over the months that we've stood together, I've come to really admire you, for your strength which is unseen to most people, for your beauty and for your tenacity to hang on in tough times. I guess that for one who looks so frail, you're much stronger on the inside than some of the guys around. And I guess that's the biggest compliment I can pay to you.
By now, you should have known how I felt about you. Most likely you've felt it through your inner 'radar' and you've confirmed it when I spoke to you briefly a few days before this year's Valentine's day.
I believe you don't have any tinge of interest towards me till this point of time. I don't blame you at all. We're just two vastly different people who come from two vastly different worlds whose worlds happen to collide for the last one year odd.
I am foolish, I guess, to persevere even when there doesn't seem to be even a speck less a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel. If you did string me along, I was foolish enough to play along with you and get strung along. The responsiblity lies fully on my shoulders.
Who knows what the future will hold? We'll maintain as friends for now. Well, no one will ever know what the future will hold. We can only plan our ways the best we can and tread in faith. I guess we'll maintain as friends for the foreseeable future and the future does seem to be a long long time to come.
Honestly, I wish you'll either dash my hopes upon a rock or give me strength to carry on this race. It's heart-wrenching to run with no end in sight. I know you can't bear to hurt your friend in this manner, but in all truthfulness, it hurts more, slower and more painfully, when you can't make up your mind.
End of the day, I'm still your friend and I still believe in you.
Bin.
I'm hurting so badly,
But I'll still be one of the good guys,
Cos' there's just too many of the bad ones around
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