rock steady

hey ppl. have a photoblog at http://illuanimate.blogspot.com
so take a look.. thx. =p

made a card for jane. hope we made her smile like the card 

is it all over,
or is it not?
then why do i still pine
for that fleeting moment?

the battle's been lost
the war's been fought
broken heart and battered spirit
are the momentos of it all

the mirage appears before me
carrying desires that i crave
attempting to fill the hunger pangs
emanating from my innermost desires.

wallow no more in misery,
presevere onwards no more
put a sword to everything
let it be swift and decisive.

how much can i take?
how much can i bear?
i've become a pillar of salt
by glancing longingly at the past

a deft touch breaks me
the wind carries me away
lost forever in the sands of time
this is not what i want to be.

oh how hard it is to break
that dear image in my heart
will water flow from the spring again?
the answer is not for me to know.

let the wind sweep me away
far away from it all
that i may be free to glide
carefree like the birds in the air

when will happiness beckon
and knock at the door?
let she come in a hurrah
greetings with open arms

for all who are reading, there's 2 more to this.

http://moorockado.blogspot.com
http://fisherock.blogdrive.com

seems ppl are reading this.. well, it's a public one so everyone's free to read. not going to change how i write though.. =p made a card for jane and got everyone to sign on it, well, almost everyone. she was pretty touched by it and even teared. glad that we can made a difference in her life. i tink that we are her legacy, something that she can look back and be proud of. the impact that she has made in our lives. for the first time, i just feel that i'm starting to rein in my emotions and learning to discipline and control them. after that fateful talk with jane, i felt so moved to do something for her, as believers, u can say that i was led by the Spirit, stirred up even. waited for 2 hours at citylink mall just to get the guys to sign the card. i felt quite low at first, all alone and they were like coming at eleven plus plus. hearing their voices reaffirming the timing didn't make me feel better though. but for once, i didn't choose to mop around.. went to mph to get myself a scrap bk to write letters to my current cell grp and it was a fruitful time. the girl at the polar cafe is pretty cute. (went there to sit down, get a drink and write the letters). hmmm.. shld go back again.. nvr encounter such a shy counter staff before.. i don't know what got into me, but i was really determined that nothing and no one was going to cock up this card of mine. and that meant waiting patiently for all of them. it wasn't an effort to glorify myself or to score pts, but somehow just wanted to make it happen. been complaining that i havent met any girls these days. and my cg member comes to me on icq and tells me she dreamt abt me. i don't know, but frankly, i'm freaked out. this member likes to hit me a lot and in the dream, she was being very nice and in fact gentle to me. and after this, in real life, she's been a bit nicer to me, though she still hits me, at times hard. i wonder if she likes me... i don't like the attention. i'm such a paradox, wanting attention but hating it at the same time if it's not the person that i want it to come frm. this member has been messagin me though not so much in the last 2 days.. thank goodness... maybe i'm just oversensitive. she's just treating me as a very gd friend, but somehow i feel different. man, i'm like trying to avoid her. i guess i'm uncomfortable with attention from girls, when they message things like how come i don't see u ard today, etc etc.. blah blah.. cos i hardly do get any from girls.. so it's like really uncomfortable. i'm so used to no one messagin me except for work and to just go out and chill or something. i'm comfortable with dishing out with attention but not the other way rd.. unless it's someone that i want it to come frm *wink wink*. sitting in a cab oneday and just thinking abt getting into a relationship. nay, it's not now. man, i don't even know when is it ever going to happen.. but i know it will happen. when i most don't expect it.. it's always been the case for me. i'm just gonna trust God for His right timing and keep on building myself up... be the rock that i'm supposed to be. it'll really be beneficial. right now, i'm just thinking abt my future day and night. even when i'm not thinking abt it, i know it's an issue that's so deep in my heart. do i need a girl? no. not now. when? who knows? who? no one in sight. no one in mind. i'm just happy the way i'm now. happy in cg. doing all the small little things that i can do. read sarah's blog. knew that she will write abt the card. felt happy that she was touched and encouraged by the card that i made. i don't want just to be there for ppl. i know i can be there for ppl and that's my strength. but not just that, i want to have the power to help them change, to impact them. the power of God to change ppl's lives forever. for the good of His will.. that's where and wat i want to be.