Friday, February 02, 2007
mirror
Stare straight ahead into
the mirror that will shine
and see your own soul
stripped to bare bones
visions and dreams are
but the oasis in the desert
an illusion from the thirst
of one lost and withered
the mirror that will shine
and see your own soul
stripped to bare bones
visions and dreams are
but the oasis in the desert
an illusion from the thirst
of one lost and withered
Lost
Just had breakfast at McDees BM @ 6AM. As expected at this early hour, there's isn't really anyone around. Found a soul sleeping on one of the benches, and 2 elderly gentlemen sitting down, each to his own, lost in his own world and thoughts.
As I carried my tray and sat parallel to one of them, I couldn't help but feel the parallels that we had in our world. Assuredly, my future, my current financial status (the fact that I was eating and they weren't) will be streets ahead of theirs. But we are all souls, souls that are lost in this road that we call life.
Do I really have a future? What is really my future? Since coming out of army, or rather while spending my time inside, nothing has really gone to plan. But for the better half of this quarter-century, events have not gone according to the standard plan that most young men or their parents have envisioned. Be it from going to a premier secondary school, doing badly to land up in the polytechnic instead of its feeder JC, tearing a ligament and having yr epaulets taken off by the PC, not making it to a university, the route has been far from normal, the normal route that I will have wanted. It's has been a case of let's make the best out of everything, even though it's not what I desire. Will this be the case for the remainder of my life? But before anyone reads and think that I'm complaining, I do know my lot in life has been a great deal better in certain areas.
Visions and dreams. A distant memory hidden in the past. Used to have visions and dreams, but somehow now content to drag my feet in the path well trodden. I've no more vision. One day at a time, just trying to survive each passing day.
Friends. It's high time that people keep their "I will lay down my life for you" slogans. As the battle rages on in the trenchies, there aren't really many that you know before and who automatically become your trench buddies.
I'm about to head to a new place this coming sunday. And apprehension is the mood to describe it. Imagine trying to open up to people while hiding behind the wall that you built. And you don't really have much intention to come out from that wall. When you go through stuff alone, bad stuff or good, I don't tend to communicate to people that much. I seriously doubt that I'll be able to make much headway with the gals in the cell group, even one that I've known for years. Communication is pretty much a 2-way process. And from the past few times, it's been much of a shut-out, and I'm just going to shut the windows from now on. I look at the guys and well, who am I to give comments about them? They do look awfully like going through motions at times.
Birthday's coming soon. It's the 2nd day of the Chinese New Year. I don't really expect anyone to remember unless Friendster drops a mail to people. Kinda disappointed with a friend. I seriously wonder how many time do I have to repeat my birthdate for one to remember even though one has "noted" it. It's just tiring to repeat and it shows how much or how little it means. Worst of all is guessing the birthdate with me after screwing it up. It's my birth date, it's the only thing that means something to me. Please don't try to guess. It just shows up how bad and how little you commit it to memory. Just ask and I'll tell you nicely. But do try to remember will you, even though it seems to be so darn hard to remember cos it probably doesn't mean anything to you anyway. People forget stuff, I can take that. But after 3 times and a promise to remember, somehow it just comes off as cheap. You can screw around me any three hundred sixty five days on God's green earth, but don't screw up my birthday. You wouldn't like it, I promise you that. Last year, I consicentiously decided to not talk up my birthday or to even plan anything. Be it a dinner or what, zlich. This year, it should be the same game plan. I haven't had dinner with my parents for sometime. What better time than this? My leader's birthday's 3 days after mine, so i guess the cg will be planning for his birthday right abt the coming week. That's good. Me? I'm the new guy. Who gives a care about the new guy anyway? I dread receiving horrid gifts that shows off the lack of effort and detail into it. Detail part I can excuse. But effort means a lot to me. It can be something simple, but if I see effort in it, it's more than anything that can be bought. Heartware can never be replaced by hardware.
I've never been a cross-bearing, cary-carrying Christian. I don't think I ever will. Somehow if you can walk the walk, it beats the stuffing out of everything. I haven't been a great walker at work and anywhere in the past few years. At times, in retrospect, it has been a case of flatter to deceive. If I can just walk the walk this year, then nothing else will hurt anymore and it'll be the best birthday gift that I've received in a long time.
So this coming birthday, I'm going to be alone. Most likely trying to find a watering hole, and enjoying a few glasses of premium lager. Going home before midnight to get ready for the next day's work. Yup.
As I carried my tray and sat parallel to one of them, I couldn't help but feel the parallels that we had in our world. Assuredly, my future, my current financial status (the fact that I was eating and they weren't) will be streets ahead of theirs. But we are all souls, souls that are lost in this road that we call life.
Do I really have a future? What is really my future? Since coming out of army, or rather while spending my time inside, nothing has really gone to plan. But for the better half of this quarter-century, events have not gone according to the standard plan that most young men or their parents have envisioned. Be it from going to a premier secondary school, doing badly to land up in the polytechnic instead of its feeder JC, tearing a ligament and having yr epaulets taken off by the PC, not making it to a university, the route has been far from normal, the normal route that I will have wanted. It's has been a case of let's make the best out of everything, even though it's not what I desire. Will this be the case for the remainder of my life? But before anyone reads and think that I'm complaining, I do know my lot in life has been a great deal better in certain areas.
Visions and dreams. A distant memory hidden in the past. Used to have visions and dreams, but somehow now content to drag my feet in the path well trodden. I've no more vision. One day at a time, just trying to survive each passing day.
Friends. It's high time that people keep their "I will lay down my life for you" slogans. As the battle rages on in the trenchies, there aren't really many that you know before and who automatically become your trench buddies.
I'm about to head to a new place this coming sunday. And apprehension is the mood to describe it. Imagine trying to open up to people while hiding behind the wall that you built. And you don't really have much intention to come out from that wall. When you go through stuff alone, bad stuff or good, I don't tend to communicate to people that much. I seriously doubt that I'll be able to make much headway with the gals in the cell group, even one that I've known for years. Communication is pretty much a 2-way process. And from the past few times, it's been much of a shut-out, and I'm just going to shut the windows from now on. I look at the guys and well, who am I to give comments about them? They do look awfully like going through motions at times.
Birthday's coming soon. It's the 2nd day of the Chinese New Year. I don't really expect anyone to remember unless Friendster drops a mail to people. Kinda disappointed with a friend. I seriously wonder how many time do I have to repeat my birthdate for one to remember even though one has "noted" it. It's just tiring to repeat and it shows how much or how little it means. Worst of all is guessing the birthdate with me after screwing it up. It's my birth date, it's the only thing that means something to me. Please don't try to guess. It just shows up how bad and how little you commit it to memory. Just ask and I'll tell you nicely. But do try to remember will you, even though it seems to be so darn hard to remember cos it probably doesn't mean anything to you anyway. People forget stuff, I can take that. But after 3 times and a promise to remember, somehow it just comes off as cheap. You can screw around me any three hundred sixty five days on God's green earth, but don't screw up my birthday. You wouldn't like it, I promise you that. Last year, I consicentiously decided to not talk up my birthday or to even plan anything. Be it a dinner or what, zlich. This year, it should be the same game plan. I haven't had dinner with my parents for sometime. What better time than this? My leader's birthday's 3 days after mine, so i guess the cg will be planning for his birthday right abt the coming week. That's good. Me? I'm the new guy. Who gives a care about the new guy anyway? I dread receiving horrid gifts that shows off the lack of effort and detail into it. Detail part I can excuse. But effort means a lot to me. It can be something simple, but if I see effort in it, it's more than anything that can be bought. Heartware can never be replaced by hardware.
I've never been a cross-bearing, cary-carrying Christian. I don't think I ever will. Somehow if you can walk the walk, it beats the stuffing out of everything. I haven't been a great walker at work and anywhere in the past few years. At times, in retrospect, it has been a case of flatter to deceive. If I can just walk the walk this year, then nothing else will hurt anymore and it'll be the best birthday gift that I've received in a long time.
So this coming birthday, I'm going to be alone. Most likely trying to find a watering hole, and enjoying a few glasses of premium lager. Going home before midnight to get ready for the next day's work. Yup.
Monday, January 29, 2007
your Name
Em A7
your Name i have forgotten
Dmaj7 Bm7
your Name i have erased
Em A7
your Name that means everything
Dmaj7
I have foresaken
Em A7
cast your eyes not to the left
Dmaj7 Bm7
not cast them far right
Em A7
but cast them and your cares
Dmaj7 Bm7
upon your Name
Em A7
before time closes its doors
Dmaj7 Bm7
and heaven shut its gates
Em A7
turn back mortal feet
Dmaj7 Bm7
towards your Name
Em7
your Name
A7
your Name
so marvellous and wonderful
Jesus the Name above all names
your Name i have forgotten
Dmaj7 Bm7
your Name i have erased
Em A7
your Name that means everything
Dmaj7
I have foresaken
Em A7
cast your eyes not to the left
Dmaj7 Bm7
not cast them far right
Em A7
but cast them and your cares
Dmaj7 Bm7
upon your Name
Em A7
before time closes its doors
Dmaj7 Bm7
and heaven shut its gates
Em A7
turn back mortal feet
Dmaj7 Bm7
towards your Name
Em7
your Name
A7
your Name
so marvellous and wonderful
Jesus the Name above all names
