rock steady

well, just spoke to my wing comd this morning. sent an email to manpower enquiring if i could recourse. of course i'm interested in it. but don't really want to submit the letter that could get me upgraded till i find out the result of the enquiry. don't really see the pt. of charging up knolls after ns when i could possibly don't have any reservist at all. but the enquiry is just a small step towards the dream that i have. if everything goes according to plan, gonna get a job soon. NS just got cut by 2mths, that means i'll finish in OCT.. which means i can start clearing my leave in Aug.. isn't that great... it's great only if i dont recourse..

what next? i've gotten the letter from the specialist. now i can get upgraded if i just throw in the letter. the thing is do i want to? i've got to speak to a lot of other ppl, actually just 2 more, before i made up my mind. what do i really want in life? what do i really want to do? is this the right thing to do? will this be the best thing to do and will it be the best thing that will happen to me. if it succeeds, i only know that what separates me from the rest of the guys is that i have a job. i'm financially secure for once. and my family doesn't have to worry anymore abt not having enough money. but am i hankering after treasures on this earth when i shld be working towards my treasures in heaven? i don't want to shortchange my destiny.

here i stand alone
the sands of time swirling
up clouds as they waltz
gently past my ankles

the crossroads of life casts
its giant shadow overhead of me
as i stand before it
the million dollar question before me

should i turn right or left?
where will each lead me to?
my destiny or my destruction?
it's weighing so heavily on my mind

is there someone out there?
oh how i need a guide right now
one to show me the path to take
that path of golden bricks

so i guess it's all over by now. and it's just one huge load of this broad shoulders. the issue abt the army has just being weighing so heavily on my mind that nothing close can really take it away. i guess it's partly my own fault. loneliness sets in at times and when it teams up with your emotions, it really does weird things to you when it takes control. and you do things that you only think about in your subconscious. it takes two hands to clap, two to tango and takes two to do smething.. and i guess through this i learnt so much abt signals, the right and wrong type of signals to give and the repercussions and consequences that each give. and what heavy responsibility that each come with. at times i feel so heavy ladden, and it's not because of cell grp, church, family, financial difficulties or work, but because of this crossroads i'm facing right now... it's going to determine my destiny, my future.