rock steady

yest was one heck of a day. went out with mark and josh. finally we meet. this mon going to meet up with weipeng and mark again. going to miss mark when he leaves for the States. then had to go for jessie's bday at pasir ris. i was like so late.. supposed to meet meiling somemore. and in the end i took a cab down. so many ppl at her chalet.. and i didn't know any of them.. stayed till like around 1 plus in the morning.. by the time i reached home it was already 2 liao.. just plonked straight to bed.. and woke up now.. oh yah.. got a new guitar.. it's a loan from mark. make that a 6 yr one.. my mum's hp kinda sucks.. instead of scrolling downwards to read sms... i have to scroll sideways.. i miss my phone.

since i can't sleep.. might as well turn this into something fruitful. like play my guitar and read bible. supposed to have a revealation that i have this week lined up to share with everyone on weds.. so this place will be my little black notebk. come weds.. i'll take it from here and share.. and if they missed out on someting, can always refer here.. lol.

cant sleep... ah!!!! usually i will do qt at this kind of time before plonking into bed.. now my spiritual clock super shift.. feel so weird right now.. so many things havent do.. prepare on how to give bible study, memorise bible stuff.. ah!!! there'll be a better day tomorrow.. the sad thing is that tomorrow will never come.. tomorrow will always be tomorrow.. get it? -p

amanda is coming to my cell grp!!!=p buddies reunite....i'm excited slightly.. it's gd to see a familiar face from the usual grp of ppl that i hang out. not to mention i have someone extra to talk to.. things are looking gd.. the mc is going to last till 17 of Sept.. heh.. i'll be prepared to go back camp after that.. unless God decides otherwise and i get another extra month. i guess we'll talk when that date approaches. felt gd abt myself today.. forced myself to do my qt at 9.30 pm.. usually i'll leave it at the end of the day.. that'll only be 2 tried and tested scenarios. one, i'll be too tired and fall asleep or i'll have a gd time with God. usually, the former kinda dominates. so i'm glad i did my qt early today when i have still my strength with me. woke up super early today so i'm really quite groogy from looking at the comp.. i prayed that these kind of days will increase and multiply in my life forevermore.. it's time to really set aside time for God. (sorry abt the pun) matt 6:33. hope He's pleased. helping out manda with her research. beta type faster. took the north-east line today.. went to every station except clarke quay and chinatown.. went b4 liao.. took pics at every station. gd time to brush up on my photography.. =) kinda disappointed that farrer rd one was quite plain.. but it was a gd trip.. compass pt sells vegetarian food..!!! =0 will show everyone the pics soon. esp mic.

went to NUH. what a bittersweet morning it turned out to be.. lost my hp on the cab. the cabbie was nice though and we had a nice conversation on the way. got my 2 mths of mc.. lol.. till 17 of Sept. God really answered my prayers this time.. it's time i keep the 2nd part of the promise to Him. 2 mths.. can now keep fit.. time to install the chin-up bar.. it's long time overdue.. and the weights have been lying redundant at the corner of my rm for so long.. and the protein powder.. and the discontinued website.. the list just keep going on and on.. it's time to make time count at least for the next 4 days till 27 of july.. gd thing i aint ard to see my friends get commissioned.. i don't think i have the heart big enuff to share with their joy.. i still feel so gutted. gutted that i could be one of them standing there... at least i can consoled myself by saying that i don't have to bring a girl for the coms ball.. definitely can't bring u know who.. and that kinda reduces a lot of things. going to take the north-east line in its entirety.. i just want to show mic the whole line.. knows she misses singapore a lot.. y am i being so nice? hmmm.. i dunno either.. =p that's it.. for now.. beta get moving..

woke up at 8000 hrs today. that's just like 6 hours of sleep. i definitely deserve more hours of sleep than this. without a shadow of a doubt. going to see the doctor. really hope he gives me the mc. don't have much plans today. no pool today. that's something confirmed. maybe i'll just go out with manfred before he goes to crescendo. for those cluelss ones out there, it's in thailand. and that's where our army trains. hopefully he gets some R an Rs and picks up some cheap stuff for us. hey, it's thailand we're talking abt. and Rn R is rest and relaz. finish scanning all the photos. now is to post them up.. but which ones? i've got like a hundred over and counting. think it's time to take more pics tomorrow.. heh. oh, time to bathe. want to be early at the hospital. want to be like the first one to see the doc. maybe he'll be in a gd mood today. i dunno. oh yah, look for another nice shirt.. and hopefully i wouldn't have to wear the brace anymore. i already spoilt one of the straps. anything that isn't metal is sure to be ruined by my hands. it's either torn or broken... says a lot abt my handling of stuff yah?

it's like 2.15 in the morning now.. man, i haven't even chat with God yet. i feel so guilty and bad right now.. n i just banged the guitar on the computer table. eye's getting blurry. gonna made my mind to commnue with God more. 've been chatting with ppl on the icq and reading blogs. i thank God that i'm in spore right now and not anywhere in the world. just thot abt david and his desire to build God a house. God doesn't need a house cos He's so big. where can we put Him? but i guess He was touched by david's heart. the heart to build Him a house. and david wanted it to be the best in the land. and that's how david's heart was.. no wonder he was a man after God's own heart. i want to be like david too. not a house.. but an altar. the best that i can build in my own space. hey.. it's time to stand up and be counted. cut this short. gota go and pray..

sometimes it justs feel so good not to have someone in yur head all the time. u don't get preoccupied with him/her and u daydream 50% less. going to meet mark and gang out on fri. i think i'm going to sit on the north-east line that day. the whole line. so i can take the pics and show them to mic. waiting to see what davina has wrote for me. i'm rubbing my hands in glee. basically i've just wasted one month of my time doing nothing. except for the last one week where i felt i did something purposeful. though it was just sending ppl t makeup service and cell grp. but it felt gd to contribute. i dont mind the appreciation but i know i can survive without it. i'm just happy to contribute =) beta get to praying before i fall asleep

tml going to see doctor at NUH. man, i don't know if he'll give me one more month mc or not leh.. i really need this mc badly.. that's so many things that i can do since i'm freed up. i'm really going to pray hard tonight that i get the mc.. i've set my mind.. i want the MC!!! i'm not going to have doubts about it. i'm not going to waver on my stand. ppl call me keng, call lor.. i'm immune liao. i believe that with the mc, i can come for physio regularly and can recover faster. went out to play pool today. i nvr even won one game with qizheng. man, i'm pretty crappy.. need room for improvement. make that a bungalow-sized one. half of the cell grp came over to my house today. we had discipleship class. this's going to be a regular thing. hopefully next time after i go back to camp, they'll put it at ntu or something. =). until just now, i didn't know that i was supposed to pray and share with the cell a revealation. wow. oh well.. beta get started on it. don't want to be sluggish on this kind of stuff. still haven't worked out though i did 40 crunches today.. still so flabby.

going to get to NUH later for physio. don't really feel like going.. i'll rather laze around in bed. at least until thurs when they extend my mc hopefully =) haha... i tink got to change my routine. the first thing i wake up is to head to the table for food instead of knockin down a good dozen of push-ups and crunches. it'll help with all the flab. feel like going out.. but where? don't really know where to go man.. but so feel like going out instead of staying at home.. argh.. i'm so bored. i tink it's time to install my pull-up bar. it's just lying there. i'm going to be late again for physio. super sianz.. feel like going out to take pics.. i've got something for taking photographs. =p and taking the north-east line.. really want to show mic how it looks like and see it for myself too.. until next time.. u're just read my inner thots. ciao.

1st: to lose 2 kg. by excercising and eating healthy. 2. to put on muscle. 3. to get my mc extended. i really hope the doc extends my mc.. i still got a lot of stuff to do. like giving ger and yh tuition as much as i can. i sincerely believe i can help mel and lisa cos they study the same stuff as i do. my fitness is still there.. but slowly slipping away. i can do five pull-ups.. but my peak was like seven. going to take the 2 mths to really whack myself hard. want to go back to camp stronger than ever. was talking to ray and wondering when i will meet someone that i will really feel so much for. past experiences have taught me, in more than 1 painful lessons, on how to deal with friendships when u try to take it to a higher level. ray meets lot of ppl and ying has got someone in mind. everyone has someone in mind. am i such a loser? i hope that ppl would be attracted to me than me always being attracted to others. hey, i may not look like a pop star but no one can doubt my heart and how big it can be. =p i can't claim to be the bravest soul around but if u need someone to cover your back.. i'll be there. bought the shirt from topman. wore it for service. everyone said it looked nice.. and i looked great. that's really taking praise and magnifying it. i'm still the same as before.. short, fat and ugly. well, maybe not short anymore.. but i'm getting fat again and still as ugly as ever. i got like 9 mths to go before i can consider anyone. if that's anyone will ever consider me. finally feeling tired now.. off to bed =)

it's 3 am now.. mic is in sydney now with her bro.. so i have no one online to talk to. promise her that though we wouldn't be able to talk so much cos she's reverting to a normal lifestyle.. i'll still write to her. nvr thought that i'll be able to strike up something with a classmate in a class where it sucked for 2 yrs. and female to boot. jane's cg disbanded. it's sad, but everyone's gonna get stronger from this change. change is gd, only when u respond correctly. it sucks sometimes. realise that i not so hard up abt cyn anymore.. things are starting to look up regarding this. sometimes it's just so easy to talk when u're not head over heels in love with her. passed her the card on sunday. and took home a stack of her photos to scan. see.. i'm still nice.. *pukes* got an sms frm her saying it was so sweet of me and she appreciates it. being sweet and appreciated doesn't get u anywhere, does it? well, i wasn't looking for anything from her. just a card to wish her happy bday. had a hard time thinking of what to write. had a scanning session just now.. for my own pics.. scanned like 57 pics in all. finished cyn's yest. was going to pass everything to her but ced came on.. grrr..

sunday 200703. finally finished my card. =) imagine procastinating for so long.. when i have one week to do only to wait till sat night to rush everything so that i can deprive myself of sleep by sleeping at the ungodly hour of 3.30 am. still will be down at church early for ushering. i must either be very brave or very insane. more of the latter i guess. didn't really want to go back to ushering yet. i wanted to have 2 more weeks of rest. but this kind of stuff seldom happens.