rock steady

It's over.

Unlikely that we'll ever get together, no thanks to my horrendously incredibly bad temper.

Unlikley meaning like 1-3% of a 100%.

Somehow, being passive and mild, and ignoring her after trying so hard seems to be a way to get her.

I don't know.



I wish I know. But who am I to really know? I don't want to be the reserve guy if Guy of Her Dreams fail her and leave her weeping.

I'll rather get my heart broken now then to really wait and wait and then get the same result.

All the Best to Mr Guy of Her Dreams. You don't have to do anything. You just have to ask if she'll be yours and she'll drop into your arms.

You've done your work, made your pitch and she's bought the whole package already.



I guess the break for her is just to clear out everyone else except you. Kinda expect her to return after her break with you holding her hand you know..

If she's happy, I'm just happy, though personally feeling all rotten, that you two are happy with each other. It's not just a 100m dash, but really a never ending marathon, think like stanchart's 42km race.



She took a long time to contemplate before deciding that we were unlikely.

What are the thoughts that ran through her head as she contemplated?

Probabaly taking into account all the bad points that I have in spades.

It's really quite hard to live with me, as my parents will testify.



I really don't know, cos the married woman and I were just talking over supper.

It was more like counselling for me, I looked sad and felt bad at the same time.

That if she was ever to confess to her that she liked me afterall, she'll have to do a lot.

I just want to move on with my life, not that it's really been moving according to the script.

Perhaps if that ever happens, which I wouldn't be too upset about, cos she's a nice lady and all

I might just turn around to embrace her.

But there's also the possibility that I might be holding someone's hand for good by then, if it's ever possible for me.

It's just Day 2 since everything collaspesd officially, given that it has been 2 wks that I felt all the negative signals from her. Being cold-shouldered, ignored and treated as invisible.

It has been surprisingly easy to cope thus far. But I really wondered if I can survive.

Really need God to temper this temper of mine. I know I can't and no one mortal really can.



Really appreciate the married woman for just sitting down with me till 2 am in the morning

and hearing me ranting and raving about everything that has happened.

It's kinda hard to really find people these days. Most people spent their days navel-gazing.



I guess at the end of the year, after spending the last 2 with someone, I'll be alone again.

For the first time, I'll admit this:

I feel sad. You mean something to me.

I'm not obsessed with you. I can't. If I do, I lose, metaphorically.

This isn't a game, and you're not the prize. You're more than that, you know?



My heart's just kinda broken, shattered, all across the shop.

It doesn't know what to do or how to really react.

My body's just moving on its own, auto-cruising.

My mind's been shut down for so long, since Jan. The shock it never recovered from,

and here another one comes. It's entering into contract talks with me already,

seeking compensation for "emotional trauma due".



Who never felt hurt before? I do, and on both ends of the stick as well.

Yes, he hurt you before. But that was so long ago. He was foolish, and when I talk to him

about his latest interest, he still sounds foolish. Not that I sound any better than him.

But I've learnt more abt the last two years with Paige than he ever did from his books.

I don't hate him. But I do flare up inside that he's the cause of your pain, your fear.

Is that why you decided to go on a break? Everyone's been saying that it's a good time for me

to really find my vision and to take a break from all this as well.

When's your break going to finish? No one except you knows. I just hope that I don't see you

back from the break with your hand in another guy's. Yes, I'm shallow, I just like you more than

I will ever confess. But if you do, I hope you're happy with him. I just don't want you to cry.



Will I ever confess to you? Only, if I knew how you felt abt me I guess. If not, I guess my lips will never betray me though my actions have already admitted to what your sixth sense felt all these months.

Your sixth sense is razor-sharp, and if you ever read this, its about 95% accurate when you second-guess me at stuff. So, now most of the cg knows about what's going on. Great.

I hate it when I start acting awkward in front of people of the opposite gender whom I like. Why am I acting it up when I've been natural all this while? It sucks.



I'll really love to find out how you feel. I gave up trying to understand women. It's just hard when you don't even understand yourselves at times.

Praying for the best, planning for the worst. The contingency plans are all out on the table at

this moment. Girls aren't on the plans.

Perhaps like what the married woman has been hinting through the song, I don't really mean anything to you. That's perfectly cool. For you.

And I'll rather hear it from you that I don't mean anything to you, anything more. Just a member. Just a number. Just a name. Closure.

so our paths crossed
but for fleeting moments
the wind blew our footseps away
no traces of past memories

return to this trodden road
one day in the summer
but we'll might just never
cross each other paths again

i'll have carve my path
and let One direct my steps
when you have returned
my feet be faraway gone

many fishes in emerald seas
none as bright as you
off to the deep you went
and my heart as well

so fly away fly away
i'll never know if you'll return
my heart's now broken
tears behind the smiling mask